June 26, 2007 is a day I will never forget.

It marked the beginning of the end for my first marriage. I discovered in the wee hours of the morning, long before light ever touched the ground, that the man I had vowed to love for the rest of my days said that he no longer loved me.

As morning dawned, I covered my head with a pillow and tried to close my eyes to the gnawing pain in the pit of my stomach. I wasn’t successful. That ache stayed with me for many months, as the situation continued to deteriorate until finally in mid-October my husband asked me for a divorce.

In those months, as I battled the waves of nausea that were ever present, I wished I knew how to turn back the clock of time. All I wanted was to find a way to keep this from happening. But everything was out of my control.

All I could do was give it to God.

June 26, 2009 is a day I will never forget.

A large manila envelop was waiting in my mailbox, containing the final divorce papers. Two years to the day after my world turned upside down with that initial confession, my marriage was officially over.

But I didn’t feel relief or happiness, holding those papers in my hands. Instead, I realized the old familiar ache had returned, along with feelings of failure over the brokenness of my marriage.

“June 26th … how appropriate,” I thought. “Bookends on a chapter of my life. A chapter I wish I could delete.”  Of course, I couldn’t make it go away.

All I could do was give it to God.

June 26, 2015 is a day I’m sure I will never forget.

The Supreme Court of America redefined marriage for our nation.

Many are rejoicing. But I’ve got that same gnawing ache, a pain in the pit of my stomach that won’t go away. Our nation has the audacity to redefine something that they never originally defined in the first place, and the course of history has forever been changed.

Please don’t get me wrong. I do not hate homosexuals. I’ve never picketed; never will. Not once have I ever knowingly insulted or shunned anyone due to sexual orientation. I know and love friends who are gay, and as well as my many straight friends who are among those celebrating today’s ruling. And nothing that happened today will change that for me. I will love them just as I always have.

I’m not a theologian. I’m not a debater. I’m just a Jesus girl, who loves God with all of my heart. I don’t know much, but this one thing I stand on … God’s thoughts and ways are not like mine. His are infinitely holier and I must bow in submission to what I don’t understand.

Let the wicked forsake his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.”  ~Isaiah 55:7-9

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Eight years ago today, my marriage unraveled. Six years ago, I found myself single. I knew what God’s word said about marriage. His design was for a man and a woman to be joined together for a lifetime. There was no pride in my divorce. I wanted to hide from God, to turn my head in shame.

But God met me in those dark places and whispered, “Come to me.”

Perhaps that is why I have always loved the old hymn Just As I Am … the words are a pictures of that coming to Jesus. It’s as if I in those lyrics I can hear the Father saying, “Come with your sins and failings and shortcomings. Come with all the dirty rags you have to offer. And I will take you in my arms.

So I came to Him … on my knees, dragging behind me the baggage of my broken marriage, accepting my guilt in that situation. I handed over the filthy rags of my life … the hurt, angry feelings along with the sneaky, lying, gluttonous girl who was more selfish than not.

I brought myself to kneel before Him, not so He would exalt me in my sinful state. Not so He would condone my poor behaviors. Not so He would put His stamp of approval on my secret sins. But rather so that He would change me.

God beckons humans to Himself because we are created in His image and it is His desire to teach us how to be more like Him. I know full-well I will never reach perfection this side of heaven. My mistakes and shortcomings will haunt me all of my days on this earth. But oh, how during this mortal life I pray that I will become more Christ-like, in attitude and in behavior.

While God loves me just as I am, His purpose has never been to make me happy on earth. Rather, He wants to make me holy, just as He is holy. His heart is to complete a good work in me. A work that He began before there was time. A work that He will finish in Heaven, where I will stand perfected before Him as I worship face-to-face.

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Today, humans took something God created and attempted to redefine it.

Though many will disagree with me (some even vehemently), I cannot personally delight or rejoice today. To take pride in today’s ruling would be to exalt man’s sinful state above God’s holiness.

No matter what the Supreme Court said today, God says homosexuality is wrong. In light of that, my feelings on the subject don’t really matter.

Yet, there is nothing I can do to change today’s decision.

Nothing except give it to God … and pray for my nation, my state, my community, my friends and family, and especially myself.

May we all return to God.

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So tell the people: This is what the LORD of Hosts says: “Return to Me”–this is the declaration of the LORD of Hosts– “and I will return to you,” says the LORD of Hosts. ~Zechariah 1:3

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IMPORTANT NOTE:  My blog is not open for debate.

I will certainly respect your right to have an opinion that differs from my own, but I expect that same respect from you as well. Any comments that are disrespectful of me, my writing or the homosexual community in any way will be deleted. It is possible to disagree and still be kind. Thanks and God Bless!

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23 thoughts on “Rainbows and Marriage

  1. Paige, my thoughts are the same as yours’. I will not and have not rejected anyone who is gay, and I know that God loves them just as much as He loves us, but why do our courts find the need to redefine marriage as it has always been understood……and how God ordained it to be. I don’t know but my comfort is, that God does and everything is in His hands….. Diane

    1. I don’t understand it either, Mrs. Diane … and I know that by making a statement for God’s definition I will lose friends (in real life and in the online community). Love doesn’t always mean agreeing. Kindness isn’t dependent upon having the same opinion. I will always choose to love and be kind, even when my opinions are different. 🙂

  2. Very nice, Compassionate yet Biblical. Well done. We are going to need people thinking this way in the time to come. You make be one of the few voices of reason.

  3. Yes, there is the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as well. Thank you for voicing it so well. I do not believe that homesexuality is right. At all. But I also know that if Christians slam them over and over, they will never come to the Truth. Beautiful post, as usual. 🙂

    1. It’s not easy but we can be loving and kind without compromising our beliefs. In this day and age, traditional Christian viewpoints are under attack … and we have to make a decision to adhere to Biblical truths or go with what the world says makes sense. I’m going with Jesus, even if the costs are high.

  4. You may not be surprised to find that I disagree with you on this, yet I too will thank you for voicing your opinions with love and compassion. I would take issue with some of your Biblical reading, and would happily contest your understanding of traditional Biblical marriage, but I will respect your your wish not to enter into a debate.

    I suspect that the challenge offered to many Christians is the same as Oliver Cromwell offered to the Scottish Parliament when he advised, “Think Gentlemen, what if you are wrong?”

    1. Paula, first of all, I’m very glad you read my words with the love and compassion I absolutely meant them. That is what matters most to me.

      As to debating, I don’t ever mind respectful discussions … and yet, I figure that I am not going to change your point of view nor will you convince me to change my mind. In this light, I can agree to disagree. After all, I am just a human and not at all God.

      God bless you, my friend …

      1. Here in England we have a particular problem because the Church of England is Established, i.e. linked with the state, In particular we are struggling to find a way forward in our response to Human Sexuality and how those f us who disagree can stay in communion with each other. The secular world may consider that the way we have dealt with the equally divisive issue of female clergy to be a fudge, but it does mean that we can stay together.

        We have several working groups informing our synod, I am part of one known as “Good Disagreement” this is something very difficult to attain, so much grace is needed before we can set aside our own views, opinions and perceived self interest.

        Truly we need to rely on God, and love each other

  5. What a wonderful response to the disappointing week we’ve experienced as a nation! I love that you are reaching out in love to those who disagree with you, admitting that you – just like the rest of us – have had your share of situations in which you’ve had to let go of your own feelings and ideas and simply rely on God. “May we all return to Him”… I’ll add a hearty amen to that prayer!

    1. Thank you, John Mark. It was a disappointing week … and when I realized how the date coincided with my own failed marriage, I knew God was asking me to write one of the hardest post I had ever written. While my request for no ugly remarks was respected, I lost several followers, some of whom I thought were friends. And that is a tough pill to swallow … yet my prayer and hope remains steadfast in God and His truths.

      1. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of followers…it’s so disappointing when bloggers claim to be open to other ideas but don’t mean it. Hang in there…and may God bless you and your writing for standing for truth and reaching out in love to a hurting online community!

        1. A blog is a personal thing, a chance to express personal views, also to her others and sometimes to be persuaded. This particular issue is one where I have actually changed my view due to opinions expressed on my own blog.

          I think it is a great shame that you have lost followers, rational people d not stop liking somebody because they are honest, and operate their lives with integrity and homogeneity. Although I disagree with Paige on this issue I respect and honour her more for being prepared to state her views, with love and compassion.

          As Christians we need to be able create an approach that allows for “Good disagreement”, not cut ourselves off from those with alternative opinions. Intolerance should never be an option.

          1. It is so important to realize that disagreeing with someone on a particular issue doesn’t mean you dislike everything about that person. I am glad that you are not offended by m y views, as I do not take your views personally either. 🙂

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