It’s hard not to feel guilty.
Following the A-to-Z Blog Challenge I took during the month of April, my new goal for this blog was to publish a post two or three times each week. But I’ve failed … miserably.
Truthfully, I think about writing on my blog every single day. In fact, it’s never that far from my mind. Writing is a cathartic hobby for me, a pleasure which never feels much like work. Because of this, I am always eager to find a few moments in which to sit down and write.
It’s actually finding those few moments that is so very hard.
Ten days ago, three of my five children returned home from Germany. I’ve loved having a loud, chaotic house again. Cooking for a tribe, tackling Mt. Laundry each morning, sorting out disputes, being the chauffeur to five people who apparently have busier schedules and more places to go than myself … it’s all part of the fun and games and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Two weeks ago, the baby I keep each weekday decided to begin to use her walking skills on a regular basis. Suddenly, everything has changed! “Miss E” is able to quickly get into a lot of things she is not supposed to get into … and I’m remembering things about toddlerhood I had long forgotten. Whew! There really is no sitting down with a toddler in the house! These little people are work, and nap times are just as much for moms as they are for the sweet child.
Most days I am trying to figure out how to fit in time to read my Bible and exercise, much less have time for personal hobbies. My daily schedule isn’t filled with vast amounts of free time. Just like everyone else on the planet, I’ve only got 24 hours a day. The hours are limited, and I’ve got to use them wisely.
It’s during seasons like this I must remember there will be days when writing, even if it is writing for God, must take a backseat on my priority list.
Last week, I came across this lovely blog post: Seven Reasons Bloggers Don’t Blog.
I can relate to all seven reasons given by the author of that freeing blog post. (1) I do not want to post fluffy content on my blog. (2) My biggest desire is to write encouraging and helpful words for my audience. (3) Writing is tiring, and time consuming. (4) The 40% of me that is somewhat introverted needs time to quietly process life before I can write about it publicly. (5) I’m writing a book … but I’m only about halfway through the first two chapters. I am discovering it is a painfully slow process to write a book. (6) Big and wonderful things are happening in life. My family is preparing to become a foster family. I’m excited and scared and very busy with getting my home ready to take on another child. (7) Finally the biggest reason of all … blogging is not living.
I love my blog. I love to write. But my biggest responsibility is to be the godly wife and mom God has called me to be.
I realize that according to the experts, if I am to ever have a “real” career as a writer, I need to have a platform, build an audience of 5000 or more readers, and post three or four times a week on my blog. But I’m not there. I admit that many days I wish I was because I think I’d love nothing more than a fantastic contract with some big name Christian publishing house and a couple of books on the shelves down at the nearest Lifeway Book Store.
Yes, God called me to write … but He simply asked me to write for Him, not for a publishing house or for a set of standards that He didn’t give to me. So that’s what I am going to do … write for God.
And He also asked me to be a wife and helpmeet to my husband Jon. God called me to be a mother to five wonderful teens and tweens, who are growing up so quickly. They won’t be home with me for very much longer before they leave to start their own lives. God asked me and my family to open our home and share His love and our lives with children I don’t yet know through fostering. He asked me to be a good neighbor to the lady next door who is dying, and to be a listening friend in real life, not just on the computer screen.
I’ve got just one life to live. While writing and blogging is very much a part of my life, it’s not all that I do. And so today, I’m setting down the guilt I put upon myself for not blogging on some made-up schedule. I’m laying aside the burden I’ve carried around for the past two and a half months for not keeping up with an insane blogging schedule, as well as tending to the realities of my life.
Instead, I’m asking the Lord to help me be faithful to do all He requires of me for today, and nothing more. I pray a lot of those days include writing for God. I think they will.
But whether they do or whether they don’t, I’m done with “Blogger’s Guilt.”
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. ~John 8:36